How to Cope with Infertility During Family Gatherings and Holidays
During the holidays such as Thanksgiving or Christmas many families get together and celebrate. But for someone who is suffering from infertility this can be an extremely difficult and emotionally demoralizing. Family gatherings are supposed to be a happy moment in which you celebrate the life of other family members such as cousins, brothers, sisters, and so on. But having to be there may put you through more suffering than enjoyment. You may see your brother or sister with their family and kids and it will only remind you that you don’t have any which isn’t easy.
Here is some suggesting if you are feeling uncomfortable or stressed out on your next family gathering during the holidays.
Think About Not Going
Simple, don’t go. You may be thinking in the back of your head that this is not an option and will only show incompetence and your inability to handle your situation. The most popular phrase is – family first, and saying no to a family gathering seems like it will be an impossible task, and family members may not take this situation so lightly and may be angry and mad at you. But don’t take it personally; they don’t understand your situation and the emotions you’re going through. You should always do what is in your best interest and not others, they can’t make you go.
A healthier alternative may be staying at home and inviting your friends who don’t have children as well. Or you can take a vacation with your significant other and forget about the misfortune you are enduring. This will help you relax and forget about the problems you’re having, and if you family respects you they will understand and get over it.
You’re Not Obligated to Hold Other People’s Babies
It can be an extremely saddening time when you are having fertility problems, but when someone plops a baby in your lap to hold while they do another task, this can be extremely painful and saddening. This may bring thoughts about what you don’t have, so if you can politely say no to holding a baby if you don’t feel up to it.
Holding Other Babies
On the contrary there are couples dealing with fertility problems that aren’t affected by their issue and love holding babies. If you’re not one to be saddened to be around kids, then you should make the most of it and have fun with them. Show your nephews, nieces, and cousins that you do love them.
The Big Question: When Are You Going To Have Kids?
There will be people there who don’t know about you and your partner’s fertility problem and may ask this question. They may also ask why you don’t have kids. Try not to get mad but explain your situation to the person and tell them it is not an issue you wish to discuss any further, or that it makes you sad to talk about.
Stop The Conversation if it is Making You Uncomfortable
Stand up for yourself and change the subject if you’re involved in an uncomfortable conversation. Be straight forward and tell them that you don’t want to talk about having kids or your infertility issues, and that you’ll let them know when you are ready to talk about them. Always try to be polite and put a smile on your face, it never goes well if you’re telling them this when you’re yelling and looking like the devil. They’ll think you’re only pushing them away when the only thing they want to do is help.
Where Pregnant Announcement
During family gatherings you’ll have to be ready for the announcement stating that someone is pregnant. If you have a fertility problem and you see someone else having what you want, it can be very heart dropping to hear “Where Pregnant” or seeing someone walk in with a big belly. Even if you are happy that your family member is pregnant it can still hurt and bring up emotions. Don’t feel guilty, it’s not your fault. A lot of women are battling fertility problems. However, you should be prepared for these sorts of announcements and how you will handle them.
Being Prepared
It can be very saddening hearing that someone else is pregnant, you should be happy right? But you’re the one dealing with the infertility problems. Be prepared if you can’t handle it and don’t want to show your emotions publicly. Escape to the bathroom. You can’t always hold back your emotions, and sometimes you just have to let them out.
Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself
Even though you show all the opposite signals to your loved ones such as sadness when your sister announces she is pregnant, or when you ask someone to change the topic, you shouldn’t feel guilty.
Dealing with infertility can be hard because your loved ones probably have never dealt with anything like this before. You’ll be extremely lucky if you find someone that does understand your situation and who can be there to support you. Your loved ones don’t mean to rub it in your face and brag about how they’re the ones having kids, they just want you to be excited with them. They just don’t know how to deal with your emotions when something like this comes up. They may want to help but don’t know how to.
Bottom Line is that if you need to escape somewhere else, do it. If a conversation makes you uncomfortable, change it. If you feel pressured and stressed about the next family gathering, skip it. You’re human, and have real feelings which only other couples dealing or has gone through infertility will understand.
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